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The funny pages - Page 20 I_icon_minitimeby endless dark Fri Oct 01, 2021 7:02 am

» Your Favourite TV Shows/Programs
The funny pages - Page 20 I_icon_minitimeby SneakyST Tue Oct 23, 2018 11:59 am

» Things you want to learn!
The funny pages - Page 20 I_icon_minitimeby SneakyST Tue Oct 23, 2018 11:52 am

» Things You Must Have
The funny pages - Page 20 I_icon_minitimeby SneakyST Fri Sep 07, 2018 4:26 am

» I feel Happy
The funny pages - Page 20 I_icon_minitimeby endless dark Thu Apr 26, 2018 8:58 pm

» The General Rant/Bitch/Moan Thread.
The funny pages - Page 20 I_icon_minitimeby Ginger_Snaps Wed Apr 25, 2018 8:43 pm

» Bizarre News
The funny pages - Page 20 I_icon_minitimeby endless dark Tue Jan 02, 2018 11:10 pm

» What is everyone doing at the mo?
The funny pages - Page 20 I_icon_minitimeby Ginger_Snaps Tue Nov 28, 2017 2:08 am

» Post Random Pictures of yourself!
The funny pages - Page 20 I_icon_minitimeby Vampira132 Mon Nov 27, 2017 6:26 pm

» What Are You Listening To Now?
The funny pages - Page 20 I_icon_minitimeby Vampira132 Mon Nov 27, 2017 6:15 pm

» The Official Birthday thread!
The funny pages - Page 20 I_icon_minitimeby GhostRed Wed Nov 22, 2017 6:14 pm

» Recent Acquisitions Thread
The funny pages - Page 20 I_icon_minitimeby Vampira132 Wed Nov 22, 2017 12:17 am

» What Are You Currently Watching?
The funny pages - Page 20 I_icon_minitimeby ravengrim Sun Nov 19, 2017 10:17 pm

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    Virgo Rat
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    PostSubject: Re: The funny pages   The funny pages - Page 20 I_icon_minitimeSun Jun 28, 2009 3:38 pm

    Summer Classes for Men
    at
    THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER

    REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
    by Friday, June 26, 2009

    NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DI FFICULTY LEVEL
    OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM

    Class 1
    How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays--
    Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
    Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

    Class 2
    The Toilet Paper Roll--
    Does It Change Itself?
    Round Table Discussion.
    Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

    Class 3
    Is It Possible To Urinate Using
    The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding
    The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?--
    Group Practice.
    Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

    Class 4
    Fundamental Differences Between The
    Laundry Hamper and The Floor--
    Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
    Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

    Class 5
    Dinner Dishes--
    Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
    Examples on Video.
    Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM

    Class 6
    Loss Of Identity--
    Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
    Help Line Support and Support Groups.
    Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

    Class 7
    Learning How To Find Things--
    Starting With Looking In The Right Places
    And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
    Open Forum
    Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

    Class 8
    Health Watch--
    Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health
    Graphics and Audio Tapes.
    Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

    Class 9
    Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost--
    Real Life Testimonials.
    Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined

    Class 10
    Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
    Driving Simulations.
    4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

    Class 11
    Learning to Live--Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
    Online Classes and role-playing
    Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

    Class 12
    How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
    Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
    Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

    Class 13
    How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--
    Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates
    and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
    Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
    Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
    Class 14
    The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.
    Live Demonstration.
    Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

    Upon completion of any of the above courses,
    diplomas will be issued to the survivors
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    PostSubject: Re: The funny pages   The funny pages - Page 20 I_icon_minitimeWed Jul 08, 2009 3:03 pm



    The people back home don't really proof read stuff before they post. LoL
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    endless dark
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    PostSubject: Re: The funny pages   The funny pages - Page 20 I_icon_minitimeWed Jul 08, 2009 3:21 pm

    I think I want to go to the A-Hole for some of that $2 ace pot HAHAHA
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    Sagittarius Monkey
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    PostSubject: Re: The funny pages   The funny pages - Page 20 I_icon_minitimeThu Jul 09, 2009 12:30 am

    This is just too funny not to share.. Excerpted from an article which appeared in The Dublin Times about a bank robbery on March 2.

    Once inside the bank shortly after midnight, their efforts at disabling the security system got underway immediately. The robbers, who expected to find one or two large safes filled with cash & valuables, were surprised to see hundreds of smaller safes throughout the bank.

    The robbers cracked the first safe's combination, and inside they found only a small bowl of vanilla pudding.

    As recorded on the bank's audio tape system, one robber said, 'At least we'll have a bit to eat.'

    The robbers opened up a second safe, and it also contained nothing but vanilla pudding.. The process continued until all safes were opened.

    They did not find one pound sterling, a diamond, or an ounce of gold. Instead, all the safes contained covered little bowls of pudding.

    Disappointed, the robbers made a quiet exit, each leaving with nothing more than a queasy, uncomfortably full stomach. The newspaper headline read:


    'IRELAND'S LARGEST SPERM BANK ROBBED EARLY THIS MORNING'....
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    PostSubject: Re: The funny pages   The funny pages - Page 20 I_icon_minitimeThu Jul 09, 2009 1:24 am

    Ewwwww!!!!
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    http://www.twitter.com/moonraven83
    endless dark
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    PostSubject: Re: The funny pages   The funny pages - Page 20 I_icon_minitimeWed Jul 15, 2009 3:03 pm

    The funny pages - Page 20 Allurbase
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    PostSubject: Re: The funny pages   The funny pages - Page 20 I_icon_minitimeWed Jul 15, 2009 3:25 pm

    ^^ha ha!!!!!
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    PostSubject: Re: The funny pages   The funny pages - Page 20 I_icon_minitimeSun Jul 19, 2009 9:33 pm

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    PostSubject: Re: The funny pages   The funny pages - Page 20 I_icon_minitimeSat Jul 25, 2009 12:32 am

    Why Americans Should Never Be Allowed To Travel

    The following are actual stories provided by travel agents:



    I had someone ask for an aisle seats so that his or her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.

    A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?"

    I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information when she interrupted me with "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts. "Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Capecod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa." Her response ... click.

    A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me. I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state."

    I got a call from a man who asked, "Is it possible to see England from Canada?" I said, "No." He said "But they look so close on the map."

    Another man called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had a 1-hour lay over in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, "I heard Dallas was a big airport, and I need a car to drive between the gates to save time."

    A nice lady just called. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20am and got into Chicago at 8:33am. I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of llinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones. Finally I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that!

    A woman called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know who's luggage belongs to who?" I said, "No, why do you ask?" She replied, "Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I'm overweight, is there any connection?" After putting her on hold for a minute while I "looked into it" (I was actually laughing) I came back and explained the city code for Fresno is FAT, and that the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.

    I just got off the phone with a man who asked, "How do I know which plane to get on?" I asked him what exactly he meant, which he replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these darn planes have numbers on them."

    A woman called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-cola on one of those computer planes." I asked if she meant to fly to Pensacola on a commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever."

    A businessman called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa. "Oh no I don't, I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those." I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, "Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express."

    A woman called to make reservations, "I want to go from Chicago to Hippopotamus, New York" The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent: "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" "Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the customer. After some searching, the agent came back with, "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Hippopotamus anywhere." The customer retorted, "Oh don't be silly. Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!" The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, "You don't mean Buffalo, do you?" "That's it! I knew it was a big animal!"
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    PostSubject: Re: The funny pages   The funny pages - Page 20 I_icon_minitimeSat Jul 25, 2009 5:14 am

    People never cease to amaze me on how daft they can be.
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    PostSubject: Re: The funny pages   The funny pages - Page 20 I_icon_minitimeTue Jul 28, 2009 1:19 pm

    The funny pages - Page 20 Hat-fail
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    PostSubject: Re: The funny pages   The funny pages - Page 20 I_icon_minitimeWed Jul 29, 2009 11:26 am

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    PostSubject: Re: The funny pages   The funny pages - Page 20 I_icon_minitimeWed Jul 29, 2009 9:41 pm

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    PostSubject: Re: The funny pages   The funny pages - Page 20 I_icon_minitimeWed Jul 29, 2009 9:57 pm

    > A successful rancher died and left
    > everything to his devoted wife.
    > She was a very good-looking woman and determined to
    > keep the ranch, but
    > knew very little about ranching, so she decided to
    > place an ad in the newspaper
    > for a ranch hand.
    > Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the
    > other a drunk.
    > She thought long and hard about it, and when no
    > one else applied she
    > decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be
    > safer to have him
    > around the house than the drunk.
    > He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours
    > every day and knew a lot about ranching.
    > For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was
    > doing very well..
    > Then one day, the rancher's widow said to
    > the hired hand, "You have
    > done a really good job, and the ranch looks
    > great. You should go into
    > town and kick up your heels." The hired hand
    > readily agreed and went
    > into town one Saturday night.
    > One o'clock came, however, and he
    > didn't return.
    > Two o'clock and no hired hand.
    > Finally he returned around two-thirty, and upon
    > entering
    > The room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by
    > the fireplace with a
    > glass of wine, waiting for him.
    > She quietly called him over to her.
    > "Unbutton my blouse and take it off,"
    > she said..
    > Trembling, he did as she directed. "Now
    > take off my boots."
    > He did as she asked, ever so slowly. "Now take
    > off my socks"
    > He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her
    > boots.
    > "Now take off my skirt."
    >
    > He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching
    > her eyes in the fire light.
    > "Now take off my bra." Again, with
    > trembling hands, he did as he was
    > told and dropped it to the floor.
    > Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever
    > wear my clothes into town again, you're fired."
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    PostSubject: Re: The funny pages   The funny pages - Page 20 I_icon_minitimeWed Jul 29, 2009 10:44 pm

    ^^cheeky
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    PostSubject: Re: The funny pages   The funny pages - Page 20 I_icon_minitimeSat Aug 01, 2009 2:15 am

    This was probably posted before, but it is worth repeating.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZJEPFTwLkrg
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    PostSubject: Re: The funny pages   The funny pages - Page 20 I_icon_minitimeWed Aug 05, 2009 1:29 am

    It's always good to laugh at yourself... It's sometimes better to share it with others.

    This is the paper that I turned (will be turning) into my Psych class as an article critique. Have a laugh with me.


    An Interpretation of Hope wrote:

    Summary
    Hope has been defined in the scientific field as “the process of thinking about one’s goals, along with the motivation to move toward (agency) and the ways to achieve (pathways) those goals” (Snider, 1995). Snider, the article’s author, not only defined hope, but also ways to measure it, and suggests ways to improve it. Snider also compared and contrasted his theory with previous related theories. Then, Snider detailed the ways in which he tested and scored his findings. A lot of vocabulary was used. It ended with Snider’s own collection of references.

    Evaluation
    Data for “Conceptualizing, Measuring, and Nurturing Hope” (Snider, 1995) was collected over a few years in the early 1990s and presented in 1995. In the scientific field this would be a very timely manner. The article was well written for those it was intended for. College Freshmen might find the statistical and psychology vocabulary a bit confusing since the material is aimed for an audience of Ph.D. holders. Within the article, Snider stated his research in a very detailed manner and did stay clear of any indication of bias. A few key details were absent within the paper, such as the number of people researched. Snider also commented that the research should be taken farther by determining whether race and background had any effect on data outcome (Snider, 1995). Within the article, the Hope Scale was showcased within a table and a description of scaling was given. With only twelve questions to the hope scale, scores should be easy to come to. All in all, an interesting article for those wishing to read research on hope.

    Application
    This article was interesting to read. It is sure to expand the reader’s vocabulary and overall aversion to statistics. Councilors would find the section on Nurturing Hope (Snider 1995) to be inspiring for a counceling session. Snider also did a good job of trying to “dumb down” some of the more hardcore scientific jargon so that it was easier to understand and relate to. The article may serve as a source of inspiration for some, and others, the article is a restating of information the reader has known for a while but lacked scientific backing.

    References
    Snyder, C.R. (1995, January/Febuary). Concepting, Measuring, and Nurturing Hope. Journal of Counseling and Development. 355-359.

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    PostSubject: Re: The funny pages   The funny pages - Page 20 I_icon_minitimeWed Aug 05, 2009 2:49 pm

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    PostSubject: Re: The funny pages   The funny pages - Page 20 I_icon_minitimeSun Aug 09, 2009 12:02 am

    The funny pages - Page 20 6448_119798857089_571692089_3088481_7260269_n
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    PostSubject: Re: The funny pages   The funny pages - Page 20 I_icon_minitimeSun Aug 09, 2009 3:30 am

    I wonder what is keeping that woman from copping a feel?
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    PostSubject: Re: The funny pages   The funny pages - Page 20 I_icon_minitimeSun Aug 09, 2009 10:54 am

    ^^That and what's keeping the tin cups on her cupsize.
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    PostSubject: Re: The funny pages   The funny pages - Page 20 I_icon_minitimeSun Aug 09, 2009 11:39 pm

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    Sagittarius Monkey
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    PostSubject: Re: The funny pages   The funny pages - Page 20 I_icon_minitimeMon Aug 10, 2009 12:03 am

    Ginger_Snaps wrote:
    I wonder what is keeping that woman from copping a feel?
    How can you tell she's not, could be getting some elbow feely Suspect
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    Maxmordon
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    PostSubject: Re: The funny pages   The funny pages - Page 20 I_icon_minitimeTue Aug 11, 2009 12:36 am

    The Metterling Lists

    Venal & Sons has at last published the long-awaited first volume of Metterling's laundry lists (The Collected Laundry Lists of Hans Metterling, Vol. I, 437 pp., plus xxxii-page introduction; indexed; $18.75), with an erudite commentary by the noted Metterling scholar Gunther Eisenbud. The decision to publish this work separately, before the completion of the immense four-volume oeuvre, is both welcome and intelligent, for this obdurate and sparkling book will instantly lay to rest the unpleasant rumors that Venal & Sons, having reaped rich rewards from the Metterling novels, play, and notebooks, diaries, and letters, was merely in search of continued profits from the same lode. How wrong the whisperers have been! Indeed, the very first Metterling laundry list

    List No. 1

    6 prs. shorts
    4 undershirts
    6 prs. blue socks
    4 blue shirts
    2 white shirts
    6 handkerchiefs
    No starch

    serves as a perfect, near-total introduction to this troubled genius, known to his contemporaries as the "Prague Weirdo." The list was dashed off while Metterling was writing Confessions of a Monstrous Cheese, that work of stunning philosophical import in which he proved not only that Kant was wrong about the universe but that he never picked up a check. Metterling's dislike of starch is typical of the period, and when this particular bundle came back too stiff Metterling became moody and depressed. His landlady, Frau Weiser, reported to friends that "Herr Metterling keeps to his room for days, weeping over the fact that they have starched his shorts." Of course, Breuer has already pointed out the relation between stiff underwear and Metterling's constant feeling that he was being whispered about by men with jowls (Metterling: Paranoid-Depressive Psychosis and the Early Lists, Zeiss Press). This theme of a failure to follow instructions appears in Metterling's only play, Asthma, when Needleman brings the cursed tennis ball to Valhalla by mistake.

    The obvious enigma of the second list

    List No. 2

    7 prs. shorts
    5 undershirts
    7 prs. black socks
    6 blue shirts
    6 handkerchiefs
    No Starch

    is the seven pairs of black socks, since it has been long known that Metterling was deeply fond of blue. Indeed, for years the mention of any other color would send him into a rage, and he once pushed Rilke down into some honey because the poet said he preferred brown-eyed women. According to Anna Freud ("Metterling's Socks as an Expression of the Phallic Mother," Journal of Psychoanalysis, Nov., 1935), his sudden shift to the more sombre legwear is related to his unhappiness over the "Bayreuth Incident." It was there, during the first act of Tristan, that he sneezed, blowing the toupee off one of the opera's wealthiest patrons. The audience became convulsed, but Wagner defended him with his now classic remark "Everybody sneezes." At this, Cosima Wagner burst into tears and accused Metterling of sabotaging her husband's work.

    That Metterling had designs on Cosima Wagner is undoubtedly true, and we know he took her hand once in Leipzig and again, four years later, in the Ruhr Valley. In Danzig, he referred to her tibia obliquely during a rainstorm, and she thought it best not to see him again. Returning to his home in a state of exhaustion, Metterling wrote Thoughts of a Chicken, and dedicated the original manuscript to the Wagners. When they used it to prop up the short leg of a kitchen table, Metterling became sullen and switched to dark socks. His housekeeper pleaded with him to retain his beloved blue or at least to try brown, but Metterling cursed her, saying, "[Expletive]! And why not Ar- gyles, eh?"

    In the third list

    List No. 3

    6 handkerchiefs
    5 undershirts
    8 prs. socks
    3 bedsheets
    2 pillowcases

    linens are mentioned for the first time: Metterling had a great fondness for linens, particularly pillowcases, which he and his sister, as children, used to put over their heads while playing ghosts, until one day he fell into a rock quarry. Metterling liked to sleep on fresh linen, and so do his fictional creations. Horst Wasserman, the impotent locksmith in Filet of Herring, kills for a change of sheets, and Jenny, in The Shepherd's Finger, is willing to go to bed with Klineman (whom she hates for rubbing butter on her mother) "if it means lying between soft sheets." It is a tragedy that the laundry never did the linens to Metterling's satisfaction, but to contend, as Pfaltz has done, that his consternation over it prevented him from finishing Whither Thou Goest, Cretin is absurd. Metterling enjoyed the luxury of sending his sheets out, but he was not dependent on it.

    What prevented Metterling from finishing his long-planned book of poetry was an abortive romance, which figures in the "Famous Fourth" list:

    List No. 4

    7 prs. shorts
    6 handkerchiefs
    6 undershirts
    7 prs. black socks
    No Starch
    Special One-Day Service

    In 1884, Metterling met Lou Andreas-Salomé, and suddenly, we learn, he required that his laundry be done fresh daily. Actually, the two were introduced by Nietzsche, who told Lou that Metterling was either a genius or an idiot and to see if she could guess which. At that time, the special one-day service was becoming quite popular on the Continent, particularly with intellectuals, and the innovation was welcomed by Metterling. For one thing, it was prompt, and Metterling loved promptness. He was always showing up for appointments early-sometimes several days early, so that he would have to be put up in a guest room. Lou also loved fresh shipments of laundry every day. She was like a little child in her joy, often taking Metterling for walks in the woods and there unwrapping the latest bundle. She loved his undershirts and handkerchiefs, but most of all she worshipped his shorts. She wrote Nietzsche that Metterling's shorts were the most sublime thing she had ever encountered, including Thus Spake Zarathustra. Nietzsche acted like a gentleman about it, but he was always jealous of Metterling's underwear and told close friends he found it "Hegelian in the extreme." Lou Salomé and Metterling parted company after the Great Treacle Famine of 1886, and while Metterling forgave Lou, she always said of him that "his mind had hospital corners."

    The fifth list

    List No. 5

    6 undershirts
    6 shorts
    6 handkerchiefs

    has always puzzled scholars, principally because of the total absence of socks. (Indeed, Thomas Mann, writing years later, became so engrossed with the problem he wrote an entire play about it, The Hosiery of Moses, which he accidentally dropped down a grating.) Why did this literary giant suddenly strike socks from his weekly list? Not, as some scholars say, as a sign of his oncoming madness, although Metterling had by now adopted certain odd behavior traits. For one thing, he believed that he was either being followed or was following somebody. He told close friends of a government plot to steal his chin, and once, on holiday in Jena, he could not say anything but the word "eggplant" for four straight days. Still, these seizures were sporadic and do not account for the missing socks. Nor does his emulation of Kafka, who for a brief period of his life stopped wearing socks, out of guilt. But Eisenbud assures us that Metterling continued to wear socks. He merely stopped sending them to the laundry! And why? Because at this time in his life he acquired a new housekeeper, Frau Milner, who consented to do his socks by hand — a gesture that so moved Metterling that he left the woman his entire fortune, which consisted of a black hat and some tobacco. She also appears as Hilda in his comic allegory, Mother Brandt's Ichor.

    Obviously, Metterling's personality had begun to fragment by 1894, if we can deduce anything from the sixth list:

    List No. 6

    25 handkerchiefs
    1 undershirt
    5 shorts
    1 sock

    and it is not surprising to learn that it was at this time he entered analysis with Freud. He had met Freud years before in Vienna, when they both attended a production of Oedipus, from which Freud had to be carried out in a cold sweat. Their sessions were stormy, if we are to believe Freud's notes, and Metterling was hostile. He once threatened to starch Freud's beard and often said he reminded him of his laundryman. Gradually, Metterling's unusual relationship with his father came out. (Students of Metterling are already familiar with his father, a petty official who would frequently ridicule Metterling by comparing him to a wurst.) Freud writes of a key dream Metterling described to him:

    I am at a dinner party with some friends when suddenly a man walks in with a bowl of soup on a leash. He accuses my underwear of treason, and when a lady defends me her forehead falls off. I find this amusing in the dream, and laugh. Soon everyone is laughing except my laundryman, who seems stern and sits there putting porridge in his ears. My father enters, grabs the lady's forehead, and runs away with it. He races to a public square, yelling, "At last! At last! A forehead of my own! Now I won't have to rely on that stupid son of mine." This depresses me in the dream, and I am seized with an urge to kiss the Burgomaster's laundry. (Here the patient weeps and forgets the remainder of the dream.)

    With insights gained from this dream, Freud was able to help Metterling, and the two became quite friendly outside of analysis, although Freud would never let Metterling get behind him.

    In Volume II, it has been announced, Eisenbud will take up Lists 7-25, including the years of Metterling's "private laundress" and the pathetic misunderstanding with the Chinese on the corner.

    (Continues...)

    Excerpted from The Insanity Defense by Woody Allen Copyright ©️ 2007 by Woody Allen. Excerpted by permission. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
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    PostSubject: Re: The funny pages   The funny pages - Page 20 I_icon_minitimeWed Aug 12, 2009 9:59 am

    Forwarded to me by my mom's cousin:


    If you can start the day without caffeine,

    If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,

    If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,

    If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,

    If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,

    If you can take criticism and blame without resentment ,

    If you can conquer tension without medical help,

    If you can relax without liquor,

    If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,

    ....Then You Are Probably The Family Dog!
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