Unequal friendships

I know friendships are never equal but I feel throughly cheated in this one.

I've been friends with this guy for a year now. We met over the net, he is younger than I by a year, we used to meet in London run around and have fun. It really sadens me to feel that I am loosing him, because the good times were so good.

He was really closed and depressed when I met him and I managed to open him up and I felt I helped him.

He had a series of two relationships which turned out poorly the second I could see what was comming from the start and attempted to warn him but he didn't listen afterwards he became closed again and started getting into various drugs.

When he was depressed he used to lash out and be mean to his friends for no reason, I used to just accept it and it wouldn't hurt me. But now he is being simply mocking and vishous.

I used to invite him down to mine if I ever had a party and one weekend he came down unexpectedly and asked me to put something on. So I aranged a little chill by the bonfire with a few beers. And at this meeting he acted rather strangly, one minuet saying we were like siblings the next acting awefully, trying to drink my parents beer and beign annoyed with me because I wouldn't give it him. He and his friend turned up with out any alcohol or anything and just expected to be hampered to.

He also began preasureing me and several others into comming to his in the aumtmn and doign shrooms and i just felt that I really didn't know this new version of him and i did not like it at all.

In the weeks following he has been mocking towards me online and hypocritcal.

I just really can't be bothered with these snipes and jibes.

Synth

xxx

Oh dear. He does not sound like a good egg right now.

Perhaps he is going through crud; perhaps he really IS a nice guy underneath that all... but for the time being, for both your sake and his, perhaps some fair separation is in order. It seems like he needs time to work things out and become comfortable in his own head, and the current situation is certainly none too healthy for YOU. And your first priority should always be to your own health and well being.

And besides... if time passes and he DOES come back around... he will be in a better place because of your (distant, but still present) support.

Good Luck hun.

Against my better judgement I sent him a message

Josh-

i've not ehard from you in about 2+ weeks
not seen you online in just as long
and i've got no fucking clue what's happened
if you want me out of your life that's fine but i wouldn't mind a simple explanation


----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Syntheticdarkness
Date: 20 Aug 2008, 21:56


For the first week I was at my Grandma's I did say so in a bulitin, I find it intresting that you read bultins in which I ask for simple help and mock me but don't seam to read informative bultins.

The second week my parents were away and so I've been busy socialising.

I find it hard to understand when you say you havn't seen me online as twice you have sent me messages in reply to builtins, and I have seen you online and on MSN.

I have made little effort to contact you of late because of your actions towards you. I have not activly evaded you other than not replying to myspace messages I found downright offensive and rude.

I know friendships are never equal but I feel throughly cheated in this one.

I have been friends with you for a year now. We used to meet in London run around and have fun. It really sadens me to feel that I am loosing you, because the good times were so good.

You were really closed and depressed when I met you and I feel I managed to open you up and I thought I helped you.

I feel after your two relationships which went poorly you became really closed and depressed, I tried to talk to you but I felt that I couldn't and you weren't letting me, I did not know what to do and so left you as you acted as if you didn't want my help.

When you were depressed you used to lash out and be mean to me and other friends for no reason, I used to just accept it and it wouldn't hurt me. But now you are being simply mocking and vishous.

I used to invite you down to mine if I ever had a party which I am glad of and I would have loved to have been able to come up to you and see you but you always seamed to prefer to come here saying your area was infested with chavs and such.

One weekend you came down unexpectedly and asked me to put something on. So I aranged a little chill by the bonfire with a few beers. And at this meeting you acted rather strangly, one minuet saying we were like siblings the next acting awefully, for example you and Sam turned up with out any alcohol or anything and just expected to be hampered to. I understand you have little money but that shouldn't mean that I should have to be put out to cater for you. And I was really afronted and felt I didn't know you by the way you acted when offering me and Craig Shrooms, the Josh I thought I knew would not try and preasure friends into drugs.

I just really can't be bothered with these snipes and jibes.

I miss the old Josh and I wanted to help you but I am getting hurt now and I can't risk getting depressed again.

Amy
x

Josh-

viscious mocking?
i had no idea lol meant anything more than expressing simple humour to something said
how you translated that is just how you want to.

my temper is something i've had passed on from my father, my good friends undetand that and just ignore that part of me.

when i came down and i told you two weeks before i was going to stay with sam and we should meet up some time you even said we'd have a picnic with friends... so don't say i turned up unexpectedly.

you offered we come round for a few beers by the bonfire...
when someone offers annother person round for drinks then one normally presumes that is offering them not saying bring your own. i didn't moan about it to you either i just thought it was a shame.

i've made it clear numerous times no one can come to my palce because not only of the area but the whole family situation and such, if you still find that a problem then i couldn't care less.

nor did i offer you and craig shrooms, i have no clue where you even got this from apart from me mentioning them a few times and you finding it funny, i know how you feel about drugs and always have so don't you dare say i was pressuring you into taking something... which i didn't even have!

reading this message you've sent me doesn't bother me anymore
i got the message a while ago you didn't care about this
but i'm glad you made things clear about where you stand
it's been fun
josh

You know, if I were you I'd just cut off communications with this guy. Sounds like he's more trouble than it's worth and you can't fix them all. They'll just end up dragging you down with them in the end.

It may sound like the easy way out but it might be the best way if you want to save your sanity.

I agree with Morwenna. I had a friend that treated me like that and I cut him loose for good. If you stay, the same thing is going to keep happening. I know because i've been in the same situation.

You're a great person Synth and you deserve a better friend. Real friends don't treat their friends like that, ever, no matter how crappy they're feeling.

*complain AGAIN* new mate but still... | didn't want to waste annother thread on more of me going on

*sigh* when ever i hang out with this guy outside of college he is so controlling and just makes the mood end up like a fight at a funeral.

I complain about not seeing makes and then when I do i complain about what happens I am so fussy!! why can't i be satisfied with what i have

Sadly, it's life. We can never have anything perfect which sucks. And I don't think you're fussy. It just shows that you're a very caring person and you have high standards for friends and there's nothing wrong with that.

My question to you is if he's always like this or was this just something new that happened?

I discovered it over summer cause I'd never really hung out with him outside of college untill then

Hmm, the best advice I can give you is to try to tell him how his actions make you feel. Maybe he's unaware that he even acts controlling.

Thats the problem he is so dominering no one will say anything to him because he will just argue his point down to the bone

then take away his bone, if he is wrong why argue for no point? I have learned that sometimes, loved ones come before your pride. Showing you can argue is alot easier then working things out, (know by experience) This individual should stop being so stubborn and let him self go....if you are more important (which you should be) I KNOW he will make the right choice because I have been here and as ashamed as I am I will admit I was him. He should come around eventualy, give it time and let him make his own decision. All you can do is be there for him

I know what you mean with the unequal friendships thing. I am alway there for ny friends when they need me, but when I need something they're never around.

Yeah, I know what you mean, as well. I seem to attract people who have issues. Or people who take advantage of me. It hurts badly, it does.

It's a blast from the past!

Any updates on how this guy is doing?