My crush has a suicidal girlfriend. ARGH!

So very upset and frustrated, ARGH.

My friend Greg and I have developed feelings for each other. But he has a girlfriend. He never really wanted to date her in the first place, but now he's stuck with her because she threatens to hurt herself or worse every time they even have a fight.... He's pretty sure that she's bipolar, and she refuses to see a counselor. Her parents aren't any help either; her father is an alcoholic and doesn't show any concern for her at all, and her mother is schizophrenic. So he's in a real mess. To make things worse, Greg had a family member commit suicide in the past(not sure the relation, I heard this from a mutual friend) so he's already had the experience of losing someone and doesn't want to go through it again.

I have some issues on my side, too. I went through a seriously BAD break-up last year and was suicidal for a while... but I had the sense to get help. Anyway, what happened with that was a cheating boyfriend, so now I feel guilty that I'm... dare I say it?... in love with(!) someone with a girlfriend. So... that makes things more messed up. Thankfully there's a whole state between us(I'm in western NY and he's in Jersey) and neither of us have travel money, so we physically can't do anything bad just now.

I'm still seeing a counselor so I have help dealing with this, and Greg is going to get counseling, too, once he saves up some money for a doctor's visit(he wants a checkup and referral before he sees a counselor). So I hope that helps. I just don't know what to do with myself in the meantime. I guess just... not think about it, but I'm so bad at that! I feel like I'm losing my mind. So glad I see my shrink on Thursday!

This is really bad advise, but I say let her hurt herself. She also may just be using that as a threat.

Iagree! If she means it she'll do it, most people even desperate ones aren't going to do seriuos bodily harm to themselves. If its just a threat she looks like a clingy crazy bitch. If not she looks bonkers, either way she looks horrid.

Actually, she has cut herself on some occassions. But yeah, crazy bitch does sum her up nicely.

The first thing I thought was, (and I acknowledge this as being a bit mean) is ok, let her kill herself and then you're in. That's awful, I know, but it was first thought, the competition wants to quit the game, the other team wins, that's life.

Now to be more understanding; maybe he's drawn to the needy type, maybe he'll be freaked out by her actions continuing. Maybe if he's into her, then that's telling about how he'll be in a relationship with you, step back and observe his actions closely.

If she's cut herself in the past and not killed herself then, then its pretty obvious that she won't actually do it. Suicide attempt "survivors" really don't want to kill themselves, they want attention. Killing yourself is terribly easy if you actually want to do it.
By the way, how old is this person? If she's over 18, her parents are out of the picture anyway. I say, he dumps her and see what happens. If she really does try something, you can call authorities to come pick up the loon.

Suicide is for people who have lost the will to live, not to drag someone into misery.

Dark Gentleman wrote:

Suicide is for people who have lost the will to live, not to drag someone into misery.

No... Suicide is for the selfish. I can't even think of any act that is MORE selfish than suicide.

^^Surprise, surprise, I've always felt that way, Kasha.

Akasha'sMistake wrote:

Dark Gentleman wrote:

Suicide is for people who have lost the will to live, not to drag someone into misery.

No... Suicide is for the selfish. I can't even think of any act that is MORE selfish than suicide.

Ah yes, I argee. It is a selfish act, but was simply saying this in a more general way. My bad.

^I understand... and I thought so. Just thought it needed to be said by someone~!

It just sounds like a desperate attempt to bind him to her and people should be together purely because they want to be together and need each other.

Dont knock suicide attempts though - they are carried out by desperate people who feel that they have nowhere else to turn and they certainly are not thinking rationally

I agree with Helen.

It is very dangerous to go down the road of "just wants attention" etc.

Any self harm should be treated seriously.

Trust me.I know.

True, the person may actually want to end their life. But in the end, if she is over 18 and she refuses to get help, its her choice to kill herself. Stupid and selfish, IMO, but still, her choice.

GhostRed wrote:

True, the person may actually want to end their life. But in the end, if she is over 18 and she refuses to get help, its her choice to kill herself. Stupid and selfish, IMO, but still, her choice.

Exactly. As awful as it may be.... he cannot (or you cannot, Squeaky), be held responsible for the personal choices of another adult. The sane cannot understand the reasoning of the insane, after all.

helen damnation wrote:

Dont knock suicide attempts though - they are carried out by desperate people who feel that they have nowhere else to turn and they certainly are not thinking rationally

Very true Helen. Back in 1989 and 1990, I did attempt a few times because I felt I had no purpose in life. I was desperate to know why I should live my life. I was very selfish not to seek help until I had my stomach pumped out for taking a bottle of pills.
I went to counselling to find a path in my life and stuck with it till I found some answers. In 1992, my daughter was born and that gave me a purpose to live for.

At the present moment, I still see my counsellor (even though he is retired), we just have our talks, games of chess and Starbucks coffee.
Much better than taking anti-depressants. Overall, suicide is NOT something I think about anymore, thanks to my little teenage angel.

Sorry for jacking this thread, just thought I'd share my point.

My wife suffers fom a bi-polar disorder and I have had my share of seeing cut wrists and overdoses etc.........

My only point is that even if the person is not serious in wanting to end their life accidents do happen which is why I personally believe that all suicidal thoughts/attempts etc should be treated with extrme seriousness.

Just my 5 cents on the situation.

And I'm sorry to hear about your own past trials DG and wish you all the best.

I'm glad you shared your point DG Goddess bless your little angel. I just meant to say that I dont feel that anybody can put their hand up and say "I have had no mental distress or problems in my life". Unhappiness or depression are not things that can be seen such as a broken arm and quite often the shame of admitting to needing help drives people to do drastic things that they would normally never consider.

J's Inncubus, I'm sure that your lady is glad to have you as a great source of support to her when she has difficult times. I think the main factor is that people are just afraid of mental problems and back away from them. This sort of thing can happen to any one of us at any time.


Damn! Now I've hijacked the thread! Sorry

Dark Gentleman wrote:

Akasha'sMistake wrote:

Dark Gentleman wrote:

Suicide is for people who have lost the will to live, not to drag someone into misery.

No... Suicide is for the selfish. I can't even think of any act that is MORE selfish than suicide.

Ah yes, I argee. It is a selfish act, but was simply saying this in a more general way. My bad.

Leaving the people behind who love you, to pick up the pieces, is very selfish. But I tell you what; if I ever catch some terribly painful incurable disease, you better believe I'll be saying my goodbyes and selfishly pumping enough substance into my arm to sleep forever.

Just poke her.

"You won't do it! You won't do it!"

I bet she won't.

So... updates on this. ^^;

Well, I can say with some certainty that he's definitely not into her. They've been together for 3 years and haven't had sex once, if that's any indication. Pretty much he's scared that it'll hurt her more when he does leave if they do that. So... I guess that's a good thing. XD

Greg's stuck supporting his parents, so he can't afford counseling just yet. BUT, I sent him some money last night, and will keep prodding him untill he gets an appointment. He felt bad accepting it, but I told him that if he feels bad about it he can pay me back when he can, after he gets some help. He seems to have a lot of issues of his own. Poor guy. :/ He says he has post-traumatic stress, but I'm not sure from what. I guess from that family member of his that committed suicide.

I'm still freaking out, but I think the best advice I can take right now is to just chill. Ugh, I wish he WOULD just take a chance and break up with her but... he needs help, more than anything, I think. I'm gonna make sure he gets it.

Yay for everyone being screwed up in the head!

God... he won't have time for counseling until November with his work schedule... GRRRRR. He works till 4, and I'm guessing the clinic closed at 5. Though I wonder if there are any places by him that have after-dinner hours, like my counseling center. I'll have to bug him some more. *sigh*

I know this is going to take time but I'm running out of patience. I can't help but feel insanely jealous. I know he doesn't love her, and their relationship is a terrible mess, but she's the one getting hugs and kisses and not me. Though he said she should be jealous of the attention he gives me.... whom he says he adores. *sigh*

I don't think I can give up. I feel like I'd be worse off that way. But I don't know what to do. I feel so cold and sick inside thinking of them together... argh. Heck, I'd kill her myself if it were legal, but he won't let her hurt herself.

I just want to SCREAM.

Clearly the only thing to do is push her over the brink then.

I suggest leaving a poem on her car.

"Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
I'm taking your man.
There's nothing you can do."

Haha. I want to...

Ooooh eeeeviiil