The funny pages

Subject: Re: The funny pages Sun Jan 11, 2009 1:57 pm

I just joined a group on Facebook and this picture made me laugh...

The funny pages - Page 17 N597173217_617031_744

For those of you who dont know what a Chav is Here *click me*... And Urban Dictionaries version of Chavs.

Guest

I found this on Fail Blog.... wow. lol

The funny pages - Page 17 Stainedglassfail

Subject: Re: The funny pages Sun Jan 11, 2009 10:31 pm

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"
"Of course. What may I do for you?"
"Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limit, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"
"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."
"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you." When they Got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"

"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."

The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"

"I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."

Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father. Next!"

Subject: Re: The funny pages Sun Jan 11, 2009 10:47 pm

ravengrim wrote:: A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"
"Of course. What may I do for you?"
"Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limit, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"
"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."
"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you." When they Got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"

"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."

The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"

"I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."

Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father. Next!"

Subject: Re: The funny pages Mon Jan 12, 2009 8:18 pm

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood
and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.

Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began pestering
him about where he got it.

He told them to knock it off and let him get some sleep but they persisted until finally he gave in.

"OK, follow me," he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of
bats behind him.

Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest
full of trees.

Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around
him.

"Now, do you see that tree over there?" he asked.

"Yes, yes, yes!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy.

"Good," said the first bat, "Because I DIDN'T!"

Subject: Re: The funny pages Tue Jan 13, 2009 9:57 pm

This is well worth your time.

Subject: Re: The funny pages Sun Jan 18, 2009 6:37 pm

One day a guy died and found himself in hell. As he was wallowing in despair, he had his first meeting with a demon.
The demon asked, 'Why so glum?'
The guy responded, 'What do you think? I'm in hell!'
'Hell's not so bad,' the demon said. 'We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?'
'Sure,' the man said, 'I love to drink.'
'Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet Tab and Fresca. We drink till we throw up and then we drink some more!'
The guy is astounded. 'Damn, that sounds great.'
'You a smoker?' the demon asked.
'You better believe it!'
'You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out! . If you get cancer, no biggie You're already dead, remember?'
'Wow, the guy said, 'that's awesome!'
The demon continued. 'I bet you like to gamble.'
'Why yes, as a matter of fact I do.'
'Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, blackjack, roulette, poker, slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt, well, you're dead anyhow. You into drugs?'
The guy said, 'Are you kidding? I love drugs! You don't mean .. . .'
'That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack, or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, you're dead, who cares!'
'Wow,' the guy said, starting to feel better about his situation, 'I never realized Hell was such a cool place!'
The demon said, 'You gay?'
'No.'

'Ooooh, you're gonna hate Fridays!'

Subject: Re: The funny pages Mon Jan 19, 2009 9:46 pm

Subject: Re: The funny pages Wed Jan 28, 2009 10:11 pm

A priest gets on crowded bus and has to sit next to a wino. Lotsa drooling and cursing under his breath. Stinking to high heaven. Trying to read a newspaper.

Wino: Hey. How do you get this damned arthritis anyway?

Priest, with total disgust: It's from evil living, laziness, drunkeness, a wasted life and a bad attitude.

Priest starts to have his conscience bother him. He could've shown some compassion for the poor man.

Priest: I'm sorry. You must be hurting. How long have you had it?

Wino: Me? Arthritis? Hell no. I was just reading in the paper here that the Pope has it.

Subject: Re: The funny pages Fri Feb 13, 2009 5:44 pm